So ladies and gentlemen, I would like to tell you a story of a poor innocent little girl who was subjected to a horrible sight by her mother when she was 12. 

When, I was 12 my mother and I decided last minute to fly to Paris and meet up with my uncles and aunts. While we were there my mother and I did our own thing. We wandered down streets. Just enjoying it all. We went to the Pablo Picasso museum and loved every second. It was a gorgeous day and nothing could bring me down. We decided to take a break from walking and sat down by this cute little fountain when it happened. I was looking in a separate direction than my mother when she saw it. She was so horrified that she decided her poor little child should be subjected to this also so she would not be alone. My mother says “Tess look over there”. Me being the innocent child I was did not think my mother could lead me to any harm, so I looked. Much to my dismay it was not a beautiful sight to be seen but instead a big man on a bike with a big hairy sweaty buttcrack sticking out. Now, when I say hairy and sweaty I mean it. The sun glistened of it and the hair was enough to make a nice toupee out of it. So now you must be wondering, why does this story matter? So what? you saw a buttcrack, big whoop. Well my friends, when we got back to my uncles and aunts they found this story hilarous, so did my father. Now whenever they see a buttcrack they take a picture and send it to me. I have pictures of buttcracks from all over. From dominican republic to georgia. I have pictures of buttcracks that are painted in paintings. But now to add to my collection. I have now just added another beautiful buttcrack from the Amalfi coast, thanks to my lovely friend Brielle. 

So thank you for listening to my story. I wish you all the best and I hope this tragedy may never fall upon you.